The time is closer now, the days seem to be more unpredictable. The daily things that keep my Dad alive are becoming more difficult. I know that God knows the time, but the unknown for us seems too much to bear. I have walled off the feelings for now. I have placed them deep so that I don't feel them as often. I want to take the time to honor my Dad at the Memorial, but the reality is too much to bear. I wait until a "better time". Then I realize that a "better time" is not mine to give. God is the giver of life. He has a perfect time for all of us. God also allows death. It's the pain of death that is so hard to want to enter into. So, I am taking a moment to sit in the reality of my Dad's life and his future death. It is hard, but I am sitting.I found this note the other day. I was cleaning out a drawer in Aidan's room. I am so thankful that I saved it. It is probably one of the last things that my Dad wrote to me. His handwriting is perfect, just the way I want to remember it. His words are profoundly tender and I want those days back! I loved that my Dad could be tender and sensitive and express his love for us. I copied the note here so that I would always have a place to go and see it. If you read it.... please remember that our earthly Fathers love us with the depth that seems unending. "How much more does your Father in heaven love you..."
